Long-Term Grief - Not Get Over But Get Different

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Have you ever heard someone say that in retrospect a tragedy was the best thing that ever happened to them? You just shake your head and wonder what they are talking about. How can the bad be good?

Get Over Your Grief

For someone who has recently lost a loved one, the future is confusing, frightening and very vague. They are not sure who they are now that they are no longer the caregiver, wife, daughter or whoever they had labeled themselves through the years.

One never gets over the loss, but they get better at defining who they are and what they are capable of. Many people assume that once a year has past, the pain will have lessened and they will be "all better."

But sometimes it is the shock of losing someone through death, illness or divorce that forces us to look inside and decide to change the direction of our lives. Who and what we were will never be the same again. Of course, we grieve about what might have been and recognize the future will be not be one containing the lost loved one..

Get a Different Perspective

One of the most difficult aspects of long term bereavement is to know that life will never be the same nor will we. As time goes on, however, we begin to see the future with new eyes and recognize that we are survivors and can build a new life that maintains the memories of the past and builds on new experiences.

Michael J. Fox writes Lucky Man

I recently picked up a bunch of books at the Thrift Shop to read in the car on a trip. One surprisingly excellent one was Michael J. Fox's memoir of finding how Parkinson's Disease had made a difference in his life.

I quote a paragraph:

"I am no longer the person described in the first few pages of this chapter, and I am forever grateful for that. I would never want to go back to that life-a sheltered, narrow existence fueled by fear and made livable by insulation, isolation, and self-indulgence. it was a life lived in a bubble-but bubbles, being the most fragile constructions, are easily destroyed. All it takes is a little finger."

You Are Stronger Than You Think

I have confidence in your ability to endure this grief and to come out on the other end a different but better person You have much to share with the world and you will be guided how to present that message to others.

Judy H. Wright is a parent educator, family coach, and personal historian who has written more than 20 books, hundreds of articles and speaks internationally on family issues, including end of life. You are invited to visit our blog at www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com for answers and suggestions which will enhance your relationships. You will also find a full listing of free tele-classes and radio shows held each Thursday just for you at www.ArtichokePress.com.

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