I Don't Want To Spend My Life Loving You

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"I don't want to spend my life loving you" that is the slogan I decided to put up after what I went through and what I am still going through. yes! I am dying I feel my soul is taken out of me but I am done. I am done with everyday fail to get over. I have done thinking I got over then my whole body shakes when I hear a reminding word. I am done with watching people hurting each other thinking it is just a simple wound they did while it is a huge crack in others heart that cease their lives, that cease their dreams, that mess up with their faith.

My first real story about a friend who lost his lover cause her family refused him and her situation was in those words " OK! it can't work out." that simple? yes, that simple but it was hell for him to continue life without having the right of hope that she would be for him; he wished death and he told me I want to die, when I saw that the only hope he had, I went in anger and I closed the discussion. These were our last words together before his death. It was 100 % accidental death though but at the end, he died for her. He died because he couldn't live with such a broken heart.

And another friend of mine was rejected by her love of life when she was 21. She went through therapy briefly everything would cure devastated heart. She got married, later divorced and now after all these years. She is still mailing him waiting for any reply even a reply full of rejection. He doesn't understand what she wants even after many years and another marriage and divorce. He doesn't understand that a woman with her neural disease won't need more than love in her last drowning days that a woman likes her watching her end everyday all she needs is care from someone she believed he is the only one she wants to care.

More and more broken hearts stories never find proper words that can effectively deal. Is it justice to love and never be loved back? Is it fair that heart breakers go on while broken hearts dumped in the back? Is it easy on them watching tears surrounded by all fears? Is dignity made such cheap? Are vows shouldn't be trusted nor believed?

No! I will not loose my life nor believes over non worthy, non-caring person. I will walk with all bride and dignity that it is over too! Although it hurts but as I am the one who made him by my love that big I can turn him by my self estimation to such small past memory.

Living with a broken heart or cured heart. is not the issue for me what I care about is not to stop believing in who I am? I do not ask why he hurt me? I do not wonder all the time does he still remember me? Does he still feel me as he always did? Would time gather us back and he would see? Whether he regret or not.
All what I wrote for all broken hearts I want you to do what it takes that one day when you meet your heart breaker do not forget to say " Hey! I am glade you broke my heart :) "

 

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