No secrets for a healthy marriage!

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Sharing hopes, dreams, goals, ideas and thoughts is the core of any healthy marriage. Sharing is what keeps the bond between the married couple get stronger day by day till it becomes impossible to be beaten by any negative issue.

But does that mean that none of the couple can have some privacy?!!!

Privacy is a must; everyone must have his/her own private parts such as some embarrassing situations from the past, negative feelings you have towards one of your spouse's family members or wanting to have some time alone to think privately daily, weekly or monthly.

But, there is a thin line between privacy and secrecy!

Dr. Laura Schlessinger in her book "10 stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships" defined secrecy and privacy as follows: "Privacy is something you ‘give' someone out of respect. Secrecy is something you ‘withhold' from another."

How to distinguish privacy from secrecy?!

Here are some examples that will help you distinguish privacy from secrecy:

* Past events that occurred to you before you get married are considered private especially if they have no influence on your marital life but any present event or past one that can affect your marital life is considered a secret.
* Keeping something that involves someone else of your family members, friends or colleagues is private but keeping anything that involves you or your spouse is a secret.

Need more clues?!

* Observe your physical responses!! If you feel that your blood pressure increases or your anxiety gets higher when you are keeping this issue then be sure this is a must-share secret.
* Anything that directly or indirectly affects your marriage, involves you or your spouse is a must-share secret.
* Look at why you want to hold this information; if you want to hide it in order not to face the responsibility then this is a must-share secret but if you just don't want to hurt your spouse's feeling with unnecessarily simple information then it is fine to keep it.

I'm holding a secret, HOW TO TELL IT?!!!

If you know now for sure that some of what you keep are secrets and you want to share them with your spouse then mind the following:

1. Choose the right time to share them with your spouse. Avoid stressful and exhaustion moments.
2. Be sure that communicating and working things out with your spouse is better than handling things alone.
3. Evaluate the consequences before you do; some secrets can ruin your marriage so be sure you choose your battles wisely.
4. Never be afraid to reveal what you have inside, you will definitely feel much better when you do so.
5. Seek the happy end! Long lasting healthy marriage requires purity of mind and soul and you can never be able to maintain this purity while you are hiding things deep inside of you.
6. Remember that if your spouse knew any of these secrets another way, he/she will find it so difficult to rust you again in the future.
7. If those secrets were strong, then give your spouse enough time to handle the shock and accept the situation.

Look to your spouse at the eye, hold his/her hands and reveal what you hide.

Finally, whether you are going to reveal hidden secrets or faced with secrets your spouse was hiding, raise the forgiveness flag up high and agree together to start a new phase of life entitled "NO SECRETS"!

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