Inside-Out Vision (Love is Blind)

  • Print Article |
  • Send to a Friend |
  • |
  • Add to Google |

Have you ever asked yourself why we close our eyes when we kiss or make love? What? Do you really believe that fairytalish explanation most volunteer; that it makes it more enjoyable or even that outlandish assumption that it makes us look "innocent?

It's nothing but a major denial. When you fall in love, your eyesight begins to deteriorate and your inner ear seems to suddenly put you out of balance. Not to mention love puts you out of balance, literally, your bank balance that is! It's probably because of all the BS those voices inside your head are rattling all the time that your inner ears go awry and you sway. Your judgment sways out of kilter. Your consciousness fades in and out of a whirlwind with every intake of breath. It's a sickness that can never be cured thereafter. Eventually it leads to blindness, although eyesight is not much affected physically, but your inner sight is history. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss and make love, because we have inside out vision. Once you're in the door, vision goes out the window. Inside-Out Vision

The symptoms actually appear long before the actual first kiss, which if present, will immediately aggravate the symptoms and make the sickness a lot worse and if not treated will eventually lead to death of the patient. No protection measure can help as it is mighty contagious and highly infectious. The disease inoculates the person's eyesight first at first sight. From then on it is physiological downhill course and a mental rollercoaster ride. A series of little deaths may or may not occur depending if the patient gets lucky but either they will lead to insanity or death, whichever comes first. If insanity occurs first it's a blessing. The opposite could happen but in rare cases and there is no documentation or clinical observation to support that so far.

Blindness is invariable and inevitably the permanent symptom of this illness and begins to occur, as mentioned earlier, at first sight. It then progressively recedes down to a blur when the source approaches the patient and prepares its first attack (the kiss). The facial muscles contort and twitch leading to a pouting of the lips and an idiotic look to an outside observer. The virus action starts now and both the infector and infectee have the same idiotic expression and contorted lips in a pout. When there is contact, the above symptoms occur and hormones surge out of control. That is when complete blindness occurs and both the patients stop seeing each other's faults.

Treatment options and prognosis

1) Marriage is the usual treatment method, which is the fastest and most effective way to cure the blindness for one, then the rest of the symptoms gradually resolve but they are replaced other symptoms.

Symptoms after this treatment approach change and include but are not limited to:

Turret's Syndrome any or both of the patients and those around them who get affected by their symptoms may at any moment have Turret's symptoms; nervous tics, rising of one or both eyebrows, uttering obscenities three times and speech impediments leading to inability to say words larger than four letters.

Memory Loss: Forgetfulness is the second most common symptom as a side effect of marriage as a treatment for "the kiss." Patient's tend to forget important dates and birthdays and sometimes even the names of each other such cases are mostly terminal and don't respond to further treatment and remembering not just the name but the measurements of the secretary or the mailman.

The trances: One patient may undergo bouts of total loss of consciousness, except for a marginal functioning limited to focusing on one object, usually the television or the feet, while the other patient is suffering from muscle twitching and is gesticulating with facial contortions and limbs flailing while screaming at the top of the lungs, then storming out of the room and throwing a pillow and blanket on the couch before banging the door. Patients who are under the trance may occasionally have yellowish or orange spots on their balls due to Cheetos falling out of their mouths while staring at the TV.

2) Break-up is another solution, which requires strict intervention, usually by a third party to break up the patients from their embrace.

3) Outside-In Vision is when one of the patients experiences an outside-in visual experience, which feels as if the patient is seeing himself from above. This usually improves eyesight and the patient remains in remission for a short period of time until the next attack.

4) Cleansing the eyes with water and saying "You stupid f**k" three times daily is usually therapeutic and keeps the eyesight in good condition.

So next time you kiss, you may want to think twice, and then... close your eyes ;)

(Coming soon) the next article will be "If Women Were Bald."

Article Rating (5 stars):
  • article full star
  • article full star
  • article full star
  • article full star
  • article full star
Rate this Article:
  • Article Word Count: 805
  • |
  • Total Views: 185
  • |
  • permalink
  • Print Article |
  • Send to a Friend |
  • |
  • Add to Google |
>