Who Pays the Highest Price in a Divorce

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A divorce is like a death in the family. It is the death of the marriage that brought together two people in love; made more painful when there are children involved. Hence, it is no exaggeration to say that after a divorce the family will never be the same again.

Often, in the early days of a marriage we are too busy getting the other person to like us that we overlook the obvious. There are bad habits early on that we never see. For instance, leaving dirty clothes scattered around, drinking directly out of the milk bottle, putting a dirty knife back in the drawer, and taking a bath is too much effort. Both sides hide their bad habits when they begin dating.

Much sooner than many would wish, the novelty of marriage wears off, and the fantasy life fades into the ordinary life of household chores and making a living, as the couple grows together in their marriage relationship. Unfortunately, about 60% grow apart during the marriage.

When the marriage ends each party tries to pile all the blame on the other. All hopes, dreams and commitment cherished by both sides, go up in smoke. In the turmoil, they forget that the children are still fragile, needing a safe and peaceful home in which to grow.

During a divorce the children's warm and safe world is suddenly shattered in many pieces like a broken toy. Parents are reduced to keeping score of their children affection as though they were at a sporting event; forcing the children to painfully and reluctantly choose sides.

Each parent fears losing ground to the other, and are doing everything to stop the other from gaining the upper hand. Unfortunately, this is an automatic reaction during a divorce, yet if the parent could stop for a moment they will realize that children have unconditional love for both parents.

As the divorce proceeds, the foremost responsibility of parents is to act as adults; mindful that they are role models and teachers to their children, and this means not putting down the other parent, or using the children to emotionally beat up the other; even as they are equally mindful that the important matters of drawing up and signing of legal documents have to be done.

An unnerving effect of a divorce is where divorce lawyers seek out personal and confidential information about you, only to file it in a public record for the world to see. Attached to this public record filing is a detailed financial description of personal property and assets acquired during the marriage.

Yet another effect is that buried somewhere in the divorce agreement, the children are listed like an asset by name and age; and on another page, detailed information on who gets custody of the children, who gets visitation rights, on what days, with specific times and for how long. Holiday schedules are also included in detail, this appears on yet another page of the divorce decree.

Among the effects of a divorce the most harmful is that the two people who created it can, thereafter, go their separate ways taking with them nothing more than memories of a bad marriage. But the psychological effects on the children caused by witnessing their parents fight with each other have just begun.

A divorce shatters the children's sense of what is normal. Their father and mother were suppose to love each other and live together forever: what happened? They must now shuttle between two homes to see their parents; sometimes confronted with the impossible task of settling disputes between their parents. They must now learn how to deal with stepfathers and stepmothers, whom, so far as the children are concerned could well be total strangers.

Clearly, the children pay the highest price in a divorce. Therefore, it falls upon society, since the parents may not be willing or capable of doing so, to provide an environment in which children of divorce can receive age appropriate counseling for a period not less than one years on understanding why divorce happen, how to cope with the psychological effects of divorce, and how to eventually overcome them.

My name is Ben Aidoo. I am the publisher of Ezy Net Articles. Have been doing this for the past 7 years. I have written several ebooks including 5 ebooks on religious topics. I am currently focusing my writing on Health and Fitness and Health and Happiness for people over 50. For more information on my work visit me at www.ezynetarticles.com

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