What Does An 800 Pound Gorilla Eat For Breakfast

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I'm somewhere in South Africa today, exactly where I don't know since I was never very good at geography. This much I can tell you, you wouldn't want to be sleeping outside in a tent at night. You also wouldn't be able to get the Big Breakfast at Mickey D's from your car window.

I do have a number of breakfast companions this morning, and they are just slightly less evolved than I am. If I take off my shirt maybe some of the will recognize me, and I can meet some long long lost relatives.

You see I'm eating breakfast this morning with monkeys, and there are gorillas to be found later in this trip. The monkeys were up with the sun, and they have been quite entertaining as they swing and climb in the tree tops within what for them is just a hop, skip, and jump. These monkeys range in size from about 15 to 30 pounds, and belive it not they could put a whuppin' on you like nobody's business.

The jungle life is one of constant exercise, and everything they do requires a physical effort that we stop getting after we are about 5 or six years old. They run, they jump, they pull themselves up, they swing, they hang, and there was even some wrestling going on earlier.

All this activity makes them incredibly strong for their size, and you would never want to make them angry with you, because they could do a monstrous amount of damage.

With all that being said I started thinkin about their cousins, who I'll get to see later. The guide has told me that we'll see a number of gorillas that can weigh up to 800 pounds, and they can execute many of the same moves as monkeys. So basically a gorilla has the strength of 20 monkeys. If they should happen to grab you, it would take a very large caliber shell to save you, and it would have to be fired very fast.

Hence I was thinking about that old joke, "What does an 800 pound gorilla eat for breakfast?"

"Anything it wants."

Luckily for us homo sapiens, gorillas stick pretty much to plants.

I wonder if they suffer from high cholesterol, and whether an 800 pound gorilla would be considered obese? They certainly couldn't smell any worse than the guy seated across from me on the last flight.

Well, the monkeys have moved on, probably looking for a nice place to take a nap. The guide is giving us the high sign to head to the vehicles to continue this journey.

The good thing is I haven't seen any snakes, because they creep me out. I hope that I don't have to borrow the tour guides machete because if I see one, he's going down, and I don't care what list he might be on.

Jim Whelan is The chairman of Board and owner of The James R Whelan Agency - The Most Powerful Name in Advertising. Please sign up for his daily free newsletter at thejamesrwhelanagency.com

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